oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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