A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
