Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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