Just took my morning after pill in the library
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize