Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think I sprained my soul last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
