all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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