The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize