Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We won't sleep together?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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