"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
