drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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