After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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