I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
