apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
