Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
