i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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