I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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