babies were throwing up all over the place
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
