i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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