Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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