This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
