i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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