if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
