he told me I talked like a deaf person
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
