theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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