I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
