Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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