How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
