You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
