Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
