I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
