Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
