He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
