I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
