If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
