u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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