I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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