Don't you send me to vm
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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