So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
