and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
