I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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