Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
