fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize