I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I bet he comes in French.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
