I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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