i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize