My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
