it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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