Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
