Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Houston, we have a squirter
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
