so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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