you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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