she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
