Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize