At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
