Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
