dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
