mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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