I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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