True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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