how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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