i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
