Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
