the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
