You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
