i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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