Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The power of my boobs compel you
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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