I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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