Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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