As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
