ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
