You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
